How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
