Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
