Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
