Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
