Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
