thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
