remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize