Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize