I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
