marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
