you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
