Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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