Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
