I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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