why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize