Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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