is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
operation have a gay friend backfired
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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