i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
