your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
birth control should be required to get into college
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
