anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FUCK WHALES
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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