My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize