and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
