I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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