Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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