Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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