i love accidental penises.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
