you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize