We won't sleep together?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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