end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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