I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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