I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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