Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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