Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
