After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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