stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
