i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
