Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
