So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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