I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
