using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize