Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
