WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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