oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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