White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
