Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I could fuck to npr.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
