Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize