so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
