i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
