i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
where are my eyebrows?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
