So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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