apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
