I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize