and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
