do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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