I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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