I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
