he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
