Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
