and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
