You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
