i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
