We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
