When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
