HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We just shotgunned beers for America
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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