He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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