You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize