He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
