Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
