Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
