I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
