You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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