Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize