Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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