I wish I only lived at night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
