I could make wine with my vomit
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
only you would photoshop your dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
