Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
