I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
