Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
