Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
