I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
