Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
