Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
