So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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