he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
