Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
