I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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