I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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