i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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