I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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