Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
