Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dicks are not precious.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
