I look better un-naked...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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