Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
