Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
