did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
