You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize