suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
