It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
