I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
