So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
