That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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