I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
